yellow eyes

kind of like if somebody was
gnawing at my mandible,
spitting out pieces of imperfection,
devouring the bits of energy, the wrong smiles,
healing the bite marks with salt swollen
into parasitic antibodies.

you don't even know this, you know,
and i'm jealous, and sad, and you
probably don't know that either and
who is punishing who?

"my body has betrayed my desires" but also
kept me from them.

i had a dream last night that i told you,
"sorry, but i can't stop" and we kissed,
slowly, painfully. today i will have to open my mouth.

i don't know why my heart seems to think
that you're the right destination. i should know better.
my mind will change with absence and i will move on again,
kiss others, not in dreams. live with no regrets.
never make amends.

i've had a lot of time
to think.