third wheel central, y'all (or, "no air")

well, you know.
when you ain't there
and i can't help but care
and so you understand the gaze
while i remember those days
the unknowing, rowing upstream
no paddle
because everything hinged
on uncertainty and melted clocks and who was the one to take forty knocks down for the count and the bout all over end but dear lord, why?
one if by land,
two if by sea,
three if you're all that will matter to me.
it's nothing less than truth.
while love bleeds and you're begging god, please, down on your knees
pray, people stay, i'm weak, meek, but not broken. unspoken but not loose. this is not a tenuous break but rather, only a hypothetical mistake and i am falling into everything, everything because i want it enough. just a light, feather touch and you are not an angel, but close (enough) because this is that oh-so-elusive third emotion, a wheel in my head turning with the sky (but pounding, pounding, still, pain thrill) and i will.
kiss me, i will wear that dress, woven from stars, we will be who we are. as a vague description of the vagues, pounding like my head! remember? remember the clear, the cold, so cold and it was all, all okay.
but we go numb only briefly, then back to loving so much it hurts me so, and nothing i can do.
rhythm, rock me slowly. come home like the waves.

hi riley

i haven't written lately
because i've had nothing to say
but you wanted me to write a poem
so i wrote one anyway.

twilight - not what I intended to write

I'll mostly be watching you.
Be careful, because you might break.
I promise to protect as I love,
and you promise to keep fighting fate.

If I dazzle you, you dazzle me.
Please, relax your charm.
We're locked in a passion of Shakespearean fools.
I won't let you leave my arms.

You're so willing and I'm so afraid,
fighting my nature as you lie in your grave.
I'm selfish, breathless, thirsty, sick,
and you're trusting, stupid, lovely, bit.

I'm ready, and you're terrified.
(Is this ringing any bells?
When you whispered always,
you didn't say in hell.)

so i was "cleaning my room" and found a bunch of hilarious acrostic poems written by me, annie, and riley in a study hall in tenth grade.

(by me, "wow")
Worldly Eugene had a thing for messing with
Orangutans. one day they came and took him a
Way, nobody was the same.

(by annie, "wow")
Why couldn't they eat fish in red aprons? (the fish.)
Othello probably died.
Withered hamburgers were served and eaten to-day.

(by riley, "wow")
Where oh where is my little monkey gone? this
Obnoxious sister is eating my toe. 1)
Why am I so concerned and 2) "little monkey" is the dirtiest phrase i've ever heard

(by annie, "celebrate")
Cake was
Eaten.
Lots of cake was
Eaten.
Bring more cake
Right now.
As soon as possible,
Take
Ears.

(by me, "partay")
Please
Assume
Responsibility.
Take
Away
Yetis.

(by riley, "cake spoon")
Colin
Annie
Kerri and
Ed
Saw
Purple
Orangutans
On
Norbert.

and that concludes our flashback for the day! I hope you enjoyed it!

on cake and eating it

i think i figured it out. nobody can have it all. to be blunt, it's true. you know how they say, oh, well, that perfect person is probably miserable?
think about it.
you can't look like Prince Eric, have the best friends ever, be wicked talented, enjoy a technical gap year, and feel really connected to all those best friends all the time.
you can't have an amazing boyfriend, be good at math, be cute, have a lead, and get into college.
you can't get into college, be good at math, have an amazing girlfriend, be amazing, and have the most basic part of your self be right.
you can't get into college, be an amazing writer, get 107s, have shiny hair, and express your devotion.

you can have sunshine and rain, pleasure and pain, poetry and photographs. you can cry or laugh.
optimism, like love, is a battlefield, or a shield, and you know that i don't fade (though i love grey). maybe i've been all wrong for years too long and only just now am coming to the conclusion of imperfection?
no, that isn't right. be thankful for what you do have? no, because sometimes it's almost impossible.
i don't know?
how's that for a life philosophy, shrug off possibility, dare to dance with chance, and when he steps on your feet, laugh it off. you know you can't win!
pick and choose, because i'm thinking, sometimes, you gotta lose.
just be ready? i don't know.

blast

the truth is, mimosas smell funny
but i wouldn't have cared.
and those pictures probably look weird,
but it's okay.

so as i set out into the night
still strong and only half-wrong
don't turn away if you should be chasing me,
trying to prove that 86 proof,
silver flutes, playing mute
are all that matter to you.

i know that isn't true.

so smile, kid. i don't mind.